There was a point in my life when all I cared about was philosophy. What drew me to philosophy was the question of what it means to live a good life. Ever since I was little, I realize I was searching for this answer. And, as someone who is naturally trusting of other people, my head was filled with conflicting ideas of what is important by teachers, family, and people in church. I hated that there was little to no consistency, there was no order.
There is a type of philosophy called phenomenology that describes the human condition as one in which we are thrown into a messy world where we have to piece together order only after we’ve struggled. There is no entering into life with a preconceived set of principles to live by. I used to feel so anxious all the time because I felt there was no clear order or consistency, no clear answer to that question of what it means to live a good life. In retrospect, I don’t fault the authority figures in my life for what they taught me because I think they all had some truth that they had imparted to me through the ways that they lived their life according to what they thought was most important.
You might be reading this and thinking that you don’t have a clear answer to this question either. Honestly, everyone lives according what they think is important, whether or not you are conscious of it. So, my thinking is, why not just address it explicitly so you have some semblance of control over what you pursue. Then, maybe we can approximate a life lived authentically, one where our thoughts, actions, and goals are aligned with our said values.
Let me get back to how I went from philosophy to medicine. In high school, one of my brothers gave me The Republic, and this was my introduction to philosophy. In the book, which is really just a dialogue, Socrates gives his conception of a well ordered soul, using the analogy of a perfectly just society (i.e., Republic). I was hooked after that. Over the next several years and into college, my time was consumed with existential questions and the thoughts of prominent philosophers ranging the gamut from devout Christians like Aquinas or Kierkegaard to staunch atheists like Russel. Everyone had some ounce of truth to share, and I took bits and pieces of each philosophy to build my own conception of what is most important to prioritize in order to live a good life.
About half way thorugh college, I realized that it was getting hard for me to explain my excitement for the pursuit of truth, for what is good, with other people in my life. It was strange because I feel like I went all out trying to figure out what a good life is, but I was unable to connect with people in a deep way which I felt was valuable. Medicine offered a path that I felt would force me to engage with people in a deep way due to it’s practical, hands-on approach to helping people. It wasn’t some clean, abstract exersize, it just seemed so real and messy like the world we were all thrown into at birth.
Often times, the study of philosophy is preoccupied with making this perfect, putting in the perfect constraints to an argument so that it is defensible against all criticism. Medicine isn’t preoccupied with making everything perfect. The goal is to help the patient better at all costs. It’s practical, it’s messy, it’s filled with emotion, and afterwards, you can then try to make sense what happened.
I think my path in medical school will help me answer that philosophical question of what’s conducive to a good life much better than if I didn’t have it. One of my favorite writers, Anton Chekov, a Russian playwright and doctor, wrote some of the greatest literary works ever pulling from experiences he had treating patients. I just hope that my interests in medicine and philosophy could produce something approximating the quality of writing and depth that Chekov brought to the world.
That is my long winded way of saying that philosophy has lead me to medicine. In my life, I hope to synthesize both these interests in a way that is conducive to a good life, not only for me, but for many generations to come.
